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Why do we need to talk?
Because our brain and body get a lot out of talking.
The science bit….
When your feelings are intense the brain’s amygdala is running the show. This is the part of the brain that’s main job is to regulate emotions such as fear and aggression, among other things, it handles flight or fight response when you become stressed or overwhelmed, this part of your brain can take control and override more logical thought processes.
Research suggests that putting your feelings into words can diminish the response of the amygdala. For example, if you were in a car accident, even being in a car immediately afterward could overwhelm you emotionally. But as you talk through your experience, put your feelings into words and process what happened, you can get back in the car without having the same emotional reaction.
Demonstrable studies confirm…..
Undertaken by Pennebaker, Kiecolt-Glaser, & Glaser, 1988, their study showed that simply talking about problems and sharing negative emotions with someone we trust can be profoundly healing, reducing stress, strengthening our immune system, and reducing physical and emotional distress, the study evidenced holding in your feelings and letting them boil and build up inside of you is unsustainable as once you let them build up enough, these feelings start to become all you can think about and they almost in a way start to overcome you. The study recorded that when you let out these feelings, a wave of relief washes over you, because you are no longer holding all this in, you let it out.
Talking about loss, describing one’s thoughts and emotions about traumatic events to others promotes cognitive restructuring. Traditional grief work theorists have also assumed that grieving individuals “have a need to express their responses to a loss or death” (Corr, Nabe, & Corr, 1994,) and that they should “verbalise and ultimately make peace with their hostility,” “speak with friends and relatives about the deceased” (Lazare, 1989,), and “talk freely and at length” about their experiences prior to and after the loss (Bowlby, 1980,).
Present day……
Covid 2020 /21, insisted on isolation, it took away personal connections and meaningful communications, this among the grieving population became a major contributor to the morbidity and mortality of bereavement, it is a coping mechanism to suppress thoughts and feelings and in extreme cases like life-imprisonment or permanent exile, the psychological thought processes become amplified and exaggerated. This was the thought process behind the need for Sunshine and Shade, giving people a safe place with an opportunity to talk about their love and loss.
Experiencing and expressing all range of emotions, deep feelings, and private thoughts, including the pleasant and the unpleasant ones, as related to the loss, will eventually stop the coping mechanism of suppression, revisiting important places and events, reliving special moments or scenes, recalling warm or sad memories, and reflecting on the history of the relationship and its emotional investment.
Is grieving necessary? The answer is definitely yes. For as long as there are deep and meaningful attachments in life, and as long as there are losses thereafter, grieving is natural and necessary.
Loss has both a personal and a social dimension. According to Larsen (1999), grief is a social event that cannot be resolved in isolation. Unresolved grief can cause serious emotional, mental, behavioural, physical, spiritual, and social disruptions. Eventually, everyone will become a bereaved person at some point along their journey in life.
Even after a good degree of closure and resolution, those who have loved and lost will continue to carry a certain residual or shadow of grief which emerges every now and then, especially around anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, and other unique reminders. However, the intensity and duration of these recurring grief moments are smaller and shorter compared to the original grief reactions or basic symptoms of an unfinished grief or chronic bereavement and during these periods #it’s (still) good to talk
Sunshine and Shade CIC are Friendship and Bereavement groups who operated in local communities in Chesterfield and the surrounding area.
